Mary Frances Got It Right

I am probably going to get lambasted for this post.  But what the hell...it's only words, right?! :-P I think that there is real value in caring for others.  I take great comfort in feeding people, in helping them feel at home and welcome, and in producing for a moment a microcosm of the kind of world I would like to live in.  And here come the critiques:

The desire to care for others in a maternal fashion is merely the result of thousands of years of a certain narrative being forced upon women to keep them subservient.

If I want the kind of world where everyone is welcome, feels at home, is well feed and cared for qua individual, why don't I join the Peace Corps or run for office or do something (anything!) besides baking cookies and making cocktails?

Isn't this just the glorification of the commodifying of care?

And so on and so forth....

To those critiques I answer: maybe, I guess I could and absolutely.

So why am I okay with this? Let me start with critique number two.  MFK Fischer (and I am paraphrasing here) wrote in response to a similar critique that when she writes (or in my cases makes) food and drink she is also writing about love and affection and the need for it and the lack of it; That it is not out of a desire to escape all that is hard and cold in our world that one turns ones attention to the kitchen, but rather with the intention of making an impact on it, however small that impact may be.  There are many ways to heal the world's wounds.  This is one, and the one that feels most natural and effective to me.

Returning to number one, I suppose it may be true that what I feel deeply is really just thousands of years of training.  But it feels real to me and I cannot afford enough therapy to undo that much training, so there it is.

And lastly: Yes, it is, at root, a commodifying of care.  You come to my home or my bar and I give you a product.  That physical product cost something to produce and in the case of coming to my business I will have to charge you for it.  In the process of making the product and serving the product I show you care.  You are not charged for that care but it is part of our brand and nine times out of 10, you will tip based on that feeling.  Is this f***ed up? Yes.  Wouldn't it be better if commerce will not involved?  Probably.  But I want to live near my family and I want to make enough money to help support my not yet nuclear family, so I choose to engage in the commodifying of care.  It is up to you whether you believe that care is sincere or not.